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Happy

Based on \"The Science of Happiness\" (GG101x on edX) and "A Life of Happiness and Fulfillment" course on coursera (https://www.coursera.org/learn/happiness)

Happy

What can it mean:

Definition: Happiness means being light-hearted and joyful. It means not taking yourself so seriously that it robs you of the fun of living.

  • "evaluative" (satisfaction with our lives)

  • "hedonic" (positive and negative feelings)

  • "eudaimonic" (meaning in life). 

  • psychological richness.having new, interesting experiences that promote curiosity or transform how you think.

Books:

  • Working Identity Herminia Ibarra

  • The Element Ken Robinson

  • Drive Dan Pink

  • Influence practice and science

Devalue happiness

- even though happiness is considered important it is deprioritized over other things (salad bar) sacrificing happiness for the sake of other goals

- having negative beliefs about happiness

- will not last

- makes you lazy

- failing to define happiness in concrete terms

- focus on the means rather than the end goal (e.g. money vs. happiness)

Habit

Prioritize but do not pursue happiness

Give happiness a higher priority

Define happiness

  • Abundance/joy

  • Love/connection

  • Calm/tranquility (serenity)

Enjoying the moment at it is without worry about the future or the past. Being content with myself and my life.

Believing in the good of people

Chasing superiority

Flow happens when the task is not overly demanding but still challenges you.

Get a hobby that challenges me and do it 2-3 hours a week

  • Writing

  • Drawing

  • Instrument

Get more flow in your job

Express gratitude to people that helped me in my life

The need to be loved -- the need to go it alone

Develop healthy relationships

Be neither needy nor avoidant

Usually that are on either spectrum received a lack of love during their childhood. Be self-compassionate (kind to yourself) and grateful.

Strengthen the need to love and give. (be kind and generous) but also don't forget about yourself

  • Give in an effective way

  • Give according to your strength and what you like (have fun)

  • Give where it makes a difference (see the impact)

Self-compassionate

Gratitude

Four signs a marriage will not work

Based on study of young couple's conversations early in the marriage and following them for a decade:

Attachment styles

The attachment style, resulting from early social experiences, affects brain responses to positive and negative social input, e.g., a scowl or a smile in response to failure or success. This data reinforces the importance of our early social connections to our capacity for strong social connections--and thus happiness--later in life, through the lens of our nervous system.

Avoidant

Securely attached = more happy

Anxious

Being overly control seeking

  • Control is important and to a certain extent healthy and good

  • Leads to unhappiness since not being able to control leads to dissatisfaction and frustration -> since outcomes are mostly not in our control

  • Leads to high willingness to take too much risk

  • Leads to superstition (illusion of control)

  • Leads to obsessive pursuit of passion -> which can lead to burnout

  • But seeking too much control is not good either

    • Overly controlling of other people

      • People like to be in charge rather than being controlled (desire of autonomy)

      • People like to defeat authority

    • Overly controlling of outcomes

  • Surround yourself with people that are not afraid to disagree (otherwise it leads to poor decision making)

  • Surround yourself with people of diverse background and skills

Take control of your thoughts in order to control your emotions

The desire for external control usually comes from a lack of ability for internal control (through controlling your feelings through controlling your thoughts)

when people are stressed, they have a lack of internal control and try to compensate it through external control (clean up...)

Tactics for taking control of your thoughts

  • avoid situations that evoke unwanted feelings

  • labelling emotions

  • direct your attention towards more positive things

  • reinterpret the situation

Leading a healthy lifestyle

  • appreciate uncertainty and lack of control

  • eat well

  • move well

  • sleep well

Distrust in life and others

Distrusting Others and Why Trust is Important

  • Generally, people are more trustworthy than expected

  • By trusting others, one increases their chance of happiness by building mutual trust in our community

  • You can build a network of trusted people by starting to trust more people

  • 66 = low end of average level of interpersonal trust in people

  • Smart trust = maximizing benefit of trust while avoiding to get hurt

  • Learn to forgive those who cheated you

  • Make people who violate your trust accountable (no revenge, no feeling of superiority)

Distrusting life

  • Don't rely on outcomes for happiness. A good outcome may lead to negative things and a negative outcome may lead to good things

  • Focus on the process rather than the outcome as a source of happiness

  • External outcomes only account for 10% of our happiness

  • Genetic propensity = 50%

  • Attitude towards life = 40%

  • Good thing bad thing who knows (story of the guy who wanted to have horses)

  • Try to pursue the outcome you desire and enjoy the process

  • Don't judge the outcome after it occurred and accept it, even if it > is not the outcome you desired

  • Keep in mind that previously perceived negative outcomes turned into > positive ones

  • Look for opportunities that a negative outcome might have

  • Believe that everything happens for a good reason

MBA

Mastery 

Belongingness

Autonomy

the approach we take towards the above can be one of scarcity or abundance.