Non violent communications

122

One form of life-alienating communication is the use of moralistic judgments that imply wrongness or badness on the part of those who don't act in harmony with our values. Another form of such communication is the use of comparisons, which can block compassion both for others and ourselves. Life-alienating communication also obscures our awareness that we are each responsible for our own thoughts, feelings, and actions. Communicating our desires in the form of demands is yet another characteristic of language that blocks compassion.

Step 1 Observation without evaluation

The first component of NVC entails the separation of observation from evaluation. We need to clearly observe what we are seeing, hearing, or touching that is affecting our sense of well-being, without mixing in any evaluation. When we combine observation with evaluation, however, we decrease the likelihood that others will hear our intended message. Instead, they are apt to hear criticism and thus resist what we are saying.

Step 2 Feeling without judging

Conversely, in the English language, it is not necessary at all to use the word feel when we are actually expressing a feeling: we can say "I'm feeling irritated," or simply, "I'm irritated."

Step 3 Identify own needs and those of others

Step 4 Request what we would like of others